New Year's Eve

Last night was a little bit of everything--A little bit of reminiscing, little bit of kickin'-it-ness, lot of fun, etc. For part of the night, me and some long-time friends went to the city museum downtown STL. It was cool; it was an excuse to actually behave like a kid which replenishes the mind for the harsh realities we all face everyday in our separate lives. Afterward, we went to Houlihan's, where some very interesting conversations arose concerning life, happiness, religion, and future. I learned that as opinionated and outspoken as I am, I can't always compel others to feel the way I do; and I also learned to play "devil's advocate" and think outside my box--more hypothetically to understand where others come from. This morning I stopped at an old friend's house. I really miss her. I found out that she ended up moving to Colorado this past Fall and just left yesterday to go back. I heard she was really unhappy with her life in St. Louis and wanted a change. I wish I had the chance to see her before she left. We have a rocky past as far as being two peas in a pod who were always down for each other but always stayed into it. I stopped and chatted with her mom and her sisters for a little minute. I hope she's doing well. Anyways, tonight should be interesting. Honestly, I'm not really in the mood for the typical crunkness that occurs on New Year's. If I had my way, I would have friends over to watch tv, play cards, drink, eat, and chat. However, since all of my friends really wanna go to bigger gatherings, it leaves me with the option of either staying at home or joining them. BUT, I'm not going to the club. First, because I'm not paying $40+ to get in to a sweaty, shoulder to shoulder club. Second, I'm trying to get more exposure as far as going out--I'm tired of seeing the same people. Therefore, I'm going to this party out in Earth City Holiday Inn that should be pretty nice. Ehh, who knows...I may end up coming back home if it's whack. I bought three bottles of champagne, so if that does happen, I'm sure someone will join me.

Random thoughts of mine

I've been called a lot of things this week--arrogant, inconsiderate, selfish, cocky, etc. Should I actually take the time out and explore the possibilities that these claims are somewhat true?...--"Naw"

• That Laffy Taffy song is a clear representation of why music nowadays is getting to be SOOO whack.
• My first day of Christmas shopping is tomorrow. First on the list--mom and dad, next are my nephews, next are my siblings, lastly, Me me and me! Gotta spoil yourself sometimes, plus I don't really want or ask for anything for Christmas, because if I want something bad enough, I'll get it myself.
• I really want them Black/Red/White Jordan's coming out on the 10th, but buying Christmas gifts is going to hinder my getting them.
• One of my New Year's Resolutions is to limit my use of the words "Um" and "Uh".
• Nobody said I was perfect, I just like to minimize making mistakes.
• I feel kind of bad for unconsciously neglecting my friends over Fall break, but I had to work that overnight week rotation so my right to sleep somewhat shades my guilt.
• That Sprite character on those commercials is like the most annoying and racist form of advertisement EVER!!! "Show her my motto!!!" WTF
• I wish my attorney would settle this damn case! I need some new wheels.
• I wish I could have a 30 minute shopping spree at Nordstroms.
• My ideal lady, hmmm...experienced--physically and emotionally, very confident and independent, could care less if she had a man or not, but never-the-less chooses to be with me, a daddy's-little-girl, she's ON MY LEVEL, did I say ON MY LEVEL, has her own circle of true friends outside of me and mine, gentle and soft, while at other times energetic and (lol) softer, keeps her hair done, nails done, toes done, dresses nice, (duh) attractive and proportionate.
• Is finding all the above characteristics in one person possible...--"Probably not"
• I hate St. Louis.
• Can't believe my homie got killed.
• I hate my job.
• I don't know which possibility I'm more excited about, the possibility of moving out of "The Lou" (ugh), or the possibility of getting into pharmacy school.
• St. Louisans on average are tacky as hell.

Genuine Intentions

Concerning women, it's very rough being a man of genuine intentions. You have to overcompensate for the many wrongs done at the hands of cats that are the complete opposite. Personally I have the type of confidence in myself where I don't feel it's so necessary for me to have to proove myself being of the genuine nature. I have a firm belief that I have the talents to bring a woman all of the mental, physical, social, and (yes) spiritual exercise needed to enrich her mind, body, and soul. So why should I have to proove myself? In a previous entry I wrote about women and the infamous claim that "men ain't *%@#". In a way I defended men to assert another valuable point of view, but by no means was I defending the nature of not valuing the essence of a woman. There are a lot of guys who don't deserve some of the loyalty they receive from women. Yet there are many that do. If you are worthy, then you're like me, and you understand the difficulty in intimate relationships as a result, not only in having to proove yourself, but inversely in designating boundaries to those women who quickly allow you past the comfort zone. Being a man of genuine intentions doesn't always mean being the guy who wants to jump into a serious relationship and lace the woman with every sort of void that she has been lacking. It means being respectful, compassionate, and the type of guy that would have no problem stating all of his intentions with a woman upfront, expecting no displeasure. So often does it occur that I meet a woman and she recognizes that I'm in school and going for something other than basket-weaving, respectable, respectful, my pants don't hang off my ass, and my t-shirts are sized to fit. As a result, she wants to take things so seriously and so quickly. Why? Probably because that idiot that broke her heart is a clear representation of my exact opposite. This can be good or bad. Most of the time it is bad however, because I'm not the type of guy to bounce from one to the next relationship how most people do dates; sometimes spontaneity is what I need to fill the gaps. A little getting to know, dating, conversation, kickin' it, whatever never hurt nobody; but to assume that I am the type of guy to just wanna be drawn into another emotional relationship and turn their post-emotional rollercoaster distress into a joyride is SO not fair to me. But if I choose not to be emotionally involved with her, then I'm just as much as the dog she left before she met me. Ladies, you see how this works? Not cool. Not cool at all. Fellas, what can we do (this only applies to the other guys with genuine intentions). As for you other womanizing twerps, in the ever-so-popular words of Dave Chappelle, "I hate you, I hate you, I don't even know you; and I hate your guts. I hope all the bad things in life happen to you, and nobody else but you."